My Journey of Healing My Body

So I don't have a dramatic story, of how I had cancer and radically changed everything I did and my cancer went into remission. But I have been on a journey of healing for my body.

Since I have become an adult, my diet has been what most north americans would consider quite healthy. I have not had to deal with any chronic illness, and because of my body type it is fairly easy to maintain a certain weight. But I have known enough about health and nutrition to know that I could be so much healthier. I simply did not have the motivation to pursue it.

Holding on to Hope

I recently had an interesting discussion with a friend. We covered a lot of topics, amongst them racism, prejudice, problems of nationalism, the objectification of women, the pursuit of privileges without accepting responsibility, and struggles with attraction shadowing all the decisions we make.

He agreed, none of it is ideal, life would be better if these were not so, but argued that there is little we can do to change these things in the world at large. And perhaps he is right. Perhaps the most that those of us who want to change all of this can do is live our life the way we want the world to be, and teach our children how to do better if they so choose. Maybe it is simply the idealist in me yearning for utopia, but my heart aches to believe that there must be more I can do. There must be things I can say to someone to help them change their life for the better, to let go of shackles they had no idea they were clinging to. There must be ways to break down these systems that people buy into that do not serve them, but enslave them. 

All the Heavy Things

So I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Not that anyone cares about this blog right now, because I am almost literally the only one who looks at it. Sometimes that is way more comfortable. I feel like I can bare the little parts of my soul that are the most vulnerable, put it out there for someone to have the potential of reading it and helping them. But there is very little risk, since in reality I am the only one reading it. I hold very tightly to my newly budding and most sacred values and opinions, because I think my heart could easily be crushed if they are rejected or stomped on. But I feel a day is coming when I can't do that anymore. That I have to share, because there are too many issues out there that need addressing. Too many problems that need solutions. And if I truly value the things I believe then the only way I can make a difference is by sharing that.

The heavy things are important. We need to talk about them. They might be uncomfortable to face. They can make us see the ugliness in the world and ourselves. No one enjoys that. But if we will never talk about them, they can never change.

Stall... and Then Keep Moving Forward

I feel stuck right now. I start to sing. But I haven't felt like I can put my all into it for a couple weeks. And I can feel it slipping. Like I can't get the same range and tone. Or volume and power. It's like my heart isn't in it right now. But I want it to be so bad. But its not just singing.

Its like I can't put my full heart into anything right now. I'm still working at things, I haven't dropped the ball completely. I'm still trying to blog, and I adore my family. But it feels like there are walls blocking me putting my full passion into the things I am doing. I haven't been relishing and enjoying it the way I was before. I don't feel the self expression like I have been. I don't know if it is just unrealistic for me expect to always feel so much heart and passion in the things I do. Things I love. But I want to. I believe I can. So why? Why does this happen? Why do I so quickly go from feeling so much is going into the actions I take to feeling so blocked up?

Bedtime Confessions

Bedtime is often long for us. In the past it has been frustrating and felt menial. I just want the kids to go to sleep already!

But rarely is it a battle. They happily choose their stories and brush their teeth. The struggles usually only come when favourite nighties are in the dirty laundry.

And then I stay with my children until they fall asleep. Nearly every night. My husband will stay with them some nights, more often when he is working long hours because they miss him. But most of the time they ask me to.

My Why...

So my blog. Why? What is the point of doing this?

Well, I love to learn. I love to explore new areas of thought. At least, new for me. I look at all the information out there, the richness of expression that can be experienced and I can't help myself. I just want to soak it all up.

I guess I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and truth.  

Now because I have such a drive to learn a little about anything I can get my hands on, I have a ton of information to that is just sitting there. But I figure I can't be the only one like that out there. I can't be.