But it seems to be nearly unavoidable for a woman in our culture not to become preoccupied with their appearance. From a young age, girls get the message that their worth is based on how pretty they are. The prince wouldn't fall in love at first sight with the princess if she wasn't the most beautiful one in the room.
We are told that sex sells. It isn't sex that sells. It is power.
Women are inundated constantly with what is considered the ideal, and always the message is that is where our power lies. Men have the power, and we gain some by having sexual appeal.
I hate this view of women.
I look at all the women around me, and I see power and beauty. Beyond simply their features, there is something there. Each of them have qualities that show in their expressions and mannerisms. I wouldn't change any of them. Not only that, but they have so much influence, and often they have no idea. It goes so far beyond how they look.
Yet I am stuck making the same mistake.
I look in the mirror and check for blemishes, look at my flaws. The blackheads, the liver spots, new freckles, my double chin that I can never loose, stains on my teeth, facial and body hair.
Looking at my friends I would hardly notice these things, and if I did I would just think that they add character and uniqueness.
Even the things I try to value. My marks of motherhood, the stretch marks. My grey streak at the front of my hair line. At times I accept them, even love them. Something unique to me, a physical representation of things that define me. My political statements.
But then there are the other moments where I feel insecure, that I want them to change. That I want to look like the generic model of beauty in society. That I try to use the way I look to elicit a response from someone.
I have been wrestling with this lately.
I have been told I am blessed with good genes. I guess they mean is that it isn't difficult for me hide what are considered flaws and imperfections to fit the generic beauty mould. I have a very slight build, and do not gain or keep weight on easily. Particularly after some lifestyle changes that I needed to make to feel healthier. I have high cheekbones, and a fairly thin nose. Most of what would be changed to fit me into the mould can be done with makeup and hairspray.
But I stopped using either of them.
There are several reasons why I have done it. One of them being to take care of my health. I want to avoid the chemicals and toxins in cosmetics.
It is also a way for me to be able to be brutally honest. To let go of the masks I put so much energy into. My face can show everything, my age, how much sleep I've had, the state of my health. I don't want to hide that behind makeup anymore. But most of my other reasons are political. There is some perverted need to change women to as close to some idea of perfection as they can. An idea that is unattainable.
When they are beautiful already.
But even when I feel this way, I still end up giving way to vanity. I try to get closer to this ideal WITHOUT makeup. Usually I do it under the guise of seeking good health. But often when the results lead me to being closer to that ideal in my bare skin, having used things that are healthy for me, I feel this smugness inside of me. What started as an effort to nourish my skin has become a source of smugness at being able to achieve a nice complexion without having to hide anything.
Then the guilt for feeling this way comes.
The smugness is only there because of a feeling of superiority. I know I am not. I have my own path, and do not expect anyone else to follow it. Nor that it is a good one for them.
And why does the way I look matter at all? Should it?
We give away our power so easily. If it is the way we look that gives us influence, that is dependent on the viewer. After we have prettied ourselves up and the gratification of looking at us is over, there is no more influence. Especially with so many other appealing images fighting for attention.
And turning the tables doesn't fix anything. Making men fight for sexual appeal instead is only a role reversal. It doesn't make it any more right.
That kind of power is temporary. When our power is dependent on controlling someone else's behaviour it only lasts as long as they consent to act as we want them to.
I call for a redefinition of beauty. One where beauty does not equal power, but power can be beautiful.
Do you want to know what I think is beautiful?
The passion of my daughter belting out her favourite song, even if it is off key.
The smile on someone's face when they enjoy the sun.
The depth of love and feeling that grief shows.
The light in the eyes of my lover when he dances.
The gentleness of my friend as she cuddles her son
The intensity a passionate person has for their cause.
When I consider the beauty of the people around me it is not the physical features I look at. It is the light in their eyes, the happiness on their face, the joy in their body as they pursue something they love. It is the qualities of their character manifesting.
We all have different strengths. We all have unique passions. We all express our emotions in our own way. Not only is this beautiful, these are the things that make us strong. They are the things that give us power.
After I wrote this, I found this wonderful video, that says what I have been trying to say much more eloquently.
No comments:
Post a Comment