Habits for the Future

I have been struggling lately to have discipline that I know I want.  There are so many things that I want to accomplish, I know that I need to have this skill.  Yet it is so hard to create the habits that I want to have.  I do well for 2 weeks or so, and then it all falls apart again.  Keeping to a schedule, house work, study, learning new skills all while raising two little girls is a hard thing to learn now.  I  appreciate my mother, and am grateful that she me HOW to do all of these things, the basic skills (except for maybe studying well) so I am not having to learn it all now.  But I did not learn to keep in the habit of consistently doing all these things.  And perhaps that is just as difficult to learn now.
As a youth, I had never thought that maybe I would want those habits in the future.  They just seemed a horrible inconvenience.  There were so many other things that were so much more enjoyable to do.  And, I'll feel free to admit now though I would have been horribly offended then if anyone had suggested it then, I was lazy.  That is a large part of my problem.  I have the horribly debilitating habit of laziness.  So I am here know, struggling over and over again trying to overcome my mountain of personal trial, laziness.  It would be so easy to succumb, to just let life continue on, to do just what is necessary to have a functional household.  I am grateful that I can at least accomplish that right now.  But I want so much more then that.  I am better then that.  I want more for my children then that.  I know that I cannot give them tools that I do not possess myself.  I want them to be able to make goals and reach them.  That they can put in the hard work that it takes to accomplish something worthwhile.  I want for them to know the satisfaction that comes from challenge and perseverance.  It is something I am learning now.  I want them to be able to realize a greatness within themselves beyond anything I realize myself.

So now, again, I go forward.  I feel as if I keep falling in large mires, and when I finally decide to stand up again I am weighed down by the mud and it is even harder to keep plodding along.  But it always feels so good once I start, to know that I am moving forward, I am doing better.  And soon, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for a year (I hope it doesn't take that long!) I will be able to wash off, the mud will be cleared from my path the sun will shine and everything that I struggle to do now will be easy.  Perhaps this is idealistic, and overly optimistic, but I think not.  I do not delude myself into to thinking that every day will be sunshine and roses.  I simply believe that once they are a habit it will be so much easier to do them, even if I don't feel like it that day.  So looking forward, stepping on into the future...